In 20,000 hours of therapy with clients the world over, I discovered something profound.

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Spanning all aspects of the human experience, clients present with an infinite range of emotional, mental, relational, existential and physical issues.​​ But during two decades of listening to their stories, I discovered that despite their vast differences, my clients all had one thing in common.

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And that one thing, was an inner state of disconnection.

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The latest insights in neuroscience and human development show that humans are not only 'wired for connection', but that every aspect of our health and happiness depends on our feeling meaningfully connected - to ourselves, to others and to the world around us.

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​Cutting edge research shows that child development relies entirely on meaningful connection. That achieving our adult potential relies on experiencing meaningful connection. That our mental health relies on meaningful connection. Even physical health is now understood to depend on meaningful connection. 

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This need for meaningful connection is our greatest strength - but it is also our deepest vulnerability.​​ Wired in us at primal levels, when we have harmful relational experiences, or our needs for meaningful connection are not met, we develop unconscious adaptations that prioritise self protection over connection - and surviving over thriving. This experience is known as 'relational trauma'.

 

In an attempt to keep ourselves safe, we learn to disconnect from ourselves. Then, we might disconnect from others. Finally, we can even disconnect from our environment and the very world around us. Without being able to experience the meaningful connection we need, we are in turn unable to develop, thrive or fulfil our potential. 

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As I listened to my clients, it became clear that while on the outside their lives looked happy, successful and comfortable; on the inside they were cycling through states of distress, dissociation, detachment, disorganisation and dysregulation. These states had dominated their lives for decades, disrupted their day to day lives and defied their understanding...

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