In 20,000 hours of therapy with clients the world over,

I would discover something profound.

​

Spanning all aspects of the human experience, my clients were presenting with an infinite range of emotional, mental, relational, existential and physical issues.​​ As I listened to them over two decades, I discovered that despite their vastly different stories, my clients all had one thing in common.

​

And that one thing, was a pervasive inner state of disconnection.

​

The latest insights in neuroscience and human development show that humans are not only 'wired for connection', but that every aspect of our health and happiness depends on our feeling meaningfully connected - to ourselves, to others and to the world around us.

.

Groundbreaking research shows that child development relies entirely on meaningful connection. That achieving our adult potential relies on experiencing meaningful connection. That our mental health relies on meaningful connection. Even physical health is now understood to depend on meaningful connection. 

​

This need for meaningful connection is our greatest strength - but it is also our deepest vulnerability.​​ Wired in us at primal levels, when we have harmful relational experiences, or our needs for meaningful connection are not met, we develop unconscious adaptations that prioritise self protection over connection - and surviving over thriving. This experience is known as 'relational trauma'.

 

In an attempt to keep ourselves safe, we learn to disconnect from ourselves. Then, we might disconnect from others. Finally, we can even disconnect from our environment and the very world around us.  Over time, a lack of meaningful connection can have a catastrophic impact on the trajectory of our lives.  No longer present to our core Self and its needs, feelings or embodied experience, we begin to live from our adaptive Self where states of fighting, fleeing, freezing, submitting and shutting down become our new normal.

 

From this place of disconnection, we are unable to develop a solid foundation in ourselves, leading to endless cycles of mental, physical, emotional, existential and relational instability and struggle. We may feel unable to make sense of ourselves, or achieve any lasting change in our life. Our days are characterised by a pervasive sense of stuckness and we often experience overwhelm and despair. 

​

While on the outside my clients' lives looked happy, successful and comfortable; on the inside they were cycling through states of distress, dissociation, detachment, disorganisation and dysregulation. These states had dominated their lives for decades, disrupted their day to day lives and defied their understanding...

​​